Its over, I am a retired surrogate!

I am up enjoying a late night of playing on the computer and hanging out. I am online in a surrogacy group I am apart of and all of a sudden I just start thinking about all the negative things that are happening. There is this huge scandal going on in the surrogacy world that is just devastating. Over the course of a month I have seen several very negative things happen in the surrogacy world, one being how an agency and intended parents could treat a surrogate so badly, the other how a surrogate can cold heartily play with the emotions and lives of intended parents and last this week I am literally watching a huge baby selling ring be busted up by the FBI that involves many very well known and reputable lawyers and also surrogates. There are times when I am reading the articles and comments of others while fighting back the tears. I started my first surrogacy journey in 2002 when most people didn't even know what surrogacy was or it was very taboo to them. Over the years I have watched people accept it as a positive thing and I have gotten so much support and encouragement. So to see surrogacy become such a wonderful thing in people's eyes to now being nothing but a scandal and on the FBI's investigation list is devastating. Going into my last journey I knew it would be my last for many reason but now I find myself thankful that it is my last so I can walk away blessed by my positive and wonderful journeys with out being caught up in this mess.

As I sit here taking it all in the tears stream down my face this is it, its over I will never be a surrogate again nor will my womb every embrace life again. While this is my choice and not forced upon me in any way it is so emotional, I am suppose to be 38 weeks pregnant this week my journey isn't suppose to be over yet. Will I be able to really walk away from something that has impacted my life so greatly for the past 10 years? I have said many many times I was done only to find myself matched and cycling again within a year but in my heart I know this time is different I just didn't realize it would be this hard to let go.

You almost feel in away like who will I be if I'm not a surrogate? What difference in this world will I make if I am not creating miracles within families? I don't know the answer to these questions but I know I am ready for the Lord to lay out a knew plan and I hope it is as amazing as surrogacy has been for me.

In 2003 I handed a precious baby girl over to her father on fathers day, in 2005 I delivered my first set of twins both boys on news year days, in 2007 I had an amazing little boy for an amazing couple that had the worst odds of ever being parents, then in 2010 I had my first loss sending a sweet angel baby to the Lord above and now in 2011 I had my second set of twins a boy and girl after having the most wonderful journey ever with the greatest intended parents a surrogate could ask for.  Between these 7 gifts of life and my own 2 little miracles I have a happiness and joy in my soul that will last a life time.

and the story ends ........ Happily Ever After!