The Miscarriage :(

It's a sad time for us as yesterday I lost the pregnancy. I was 5wks 5 days and we hadn't even seen the heart beat but our hearts are still heavy. It's not something I have ever gone through before and its taking a toll on my body but Steve is taking really good care of me. Yesterday was horrible as it started as I was on my way to Austin so my whole way there and back I was having a miscarriage and all alone. I was very emotional yesterday but having gone through a loss at 22wks in the past I find this to be a blessing. My IP's are so sad and I hate that their journey to grow their family is still a struggle. :(

Update: I ended up having complications during the m/c and was taken to the ER the bleeding was so much and had been going on for so long I needed to have a D&C. I have always been against things like that but at this point I was facing a blood transfusion and was so week I could barely walk. The doctor said had this been in the old days I would have bled out and died before my body was done passing everything there was so much left. Thank God for modern medicine!!! It was really scary and took such a toll on me emotionally and physically I really needed time to think about if I could try again. My IP's were wonderful about giving me time to heal and let me decide even though I know it was hard for them to wait. I did decide to try one last time and if it didn't work I was taking it as a sign this just wasn't meant to be. So we will try for our 3rd and final IVF transfer in July!!!!!

Sixth surrogacy * 2nd IVF Transfer

Round two ... ready set go!

I really felt the stressful drive home (it took us 2.5hrs when it normally takes 1hr) and not resting enough when we got home played a big part in the transfer not working. I have no control over the embryo quality which was also a factor but this second time I was going to make changes on what I did have control over. So this time the plan was for me to drive my self and Steve would stay home and tend to the kids. After the transfer my IP's would take me to a near by hotel and I would rest and relax and let their little baby snuggle in and thats exactly what we did.

We had our last lining check on the 17th and we knew our transfer was set for the 25th but since I was ready and the doc needed to be out of town that Friday it was moved up by two days so the 23rd it would be. We were all very nervous as we had no idea how the embryos were doing or how many we had. There were 3 left over from the first transfer that were 3 dayers and they were going to be thawed and pushed to 5 days. This was nerve racking as the other embryos that the clinic tried to push to 5 days didn't make it. But I knew there had to be at least one or they would have called and cancelled the transfer.

It was our turn, we all went back to get the report and what a great report it was 2 of the embryos were blast stage and one was hatching it just doesn't get any better than this folks. :) The transfer it self went smoothly better than last time and the valium really kicked in this time as a few minutes after we got to recovery I was out literally which is a great sign of me being relaxed.

E grabbed us some lunch and I headed to the hotel to rest and I slept on and off from 3:30 to 6pm and it felt great. J came to pick me up for dinner and I met their son he is so cute and super smart. It made me want this even more for them because I could see what great parents they were. The restaurant was fabulous, the food was yummy and I enjoyed every minute with them. I had a great night sleep, slept in that morning and than made my way back home. It was a beautiful day :) and I just knew this was our time. I felt so good about it on day 4 (1/27/13) after our transfer I decided to test and I could not believe my eyes when I actually saw a line and every day after that the lines just kept getting darker and darker. When I felt really good about it I skyped with J & E and than sent them the pic of all the test. It was so beautiful to see their joy.

Our beta results (blood test) came in on 1/31/13 which made me 8dpt (actually time wise I was 7.5dpt) and the result was 80hcg. I was excited about that because it made me feel like there is only one baby and having to transfer two embryos when I tried so hard for one that made me feel much better. Plus its high enough that we knew it was a strong pregnancy. On 2/2/13 at 10dpt the result was 172. It doubled which is what we look for but didn't go up to high again making me confident there is only one. :) We have our 3rd test on Wed and than in a few weeks we'll have an u/s. I had to increase my meds from twice a day till three times a day plus my body is already producing these same hormones so I'm really tired and very emotional. I am so stinking excited every time I think about that I am actually pregnant again I can't stop smiling. I love the thought of life growing in my womb and I feel so blessed!

Sixth Surrogacy * Transfer Day

On November 30th Steve and I got up early to get the kids ready and drop Gaige off at daycare. We stopped for some breakfast and than headed up to Texas Fertility for the big transfer day of J & E little embryo's. I was feeling good and excited that Steve was coming a long, this was the first time he was able to go on a transfer with me all the other ones were out of state and he stayed behind with the kids.

We get there and I have my lucky socks on and J & E are actually just getting over being sick so their cheering and supporting me while trying to stay away and not get me sick. :p

The embryo's looked ok had 12 cells on them each and I was worrying about twins even more now. By this time I was so excited and ready to go they could have put 5 in (j/k). Everything went smoothly and after a short resting period we loaded up and Steve drove me home. The drive home was so stressful because it was 4pm on a Friday in Austin and it took us double the time to get home. I felt stressed and tired but once I got home I laid in bed, watched movies and Steve took care of everything.

Well after the long wait of 10 days the news came in today that the transfer did not take and I am NOT pregnant. I am so sad for J & E and I wasn't prepared myself, I was so worried about having twins I never prepared myself for it not happening at all. :(

So now I stop all meds and wait for a new plan. There are 3 frozen embryos so I am hoping in January we can try again.

Sixth Surrogacy * The Beginning

As I sit here nervous, excited and a bit anxious the night before my next transfer of my 6th journey it has actually hit me that I'm doing another journey. lol

I have been happy with my job at SS matching couples and sharing in the journey with my surrogates. Living through them, experiencing transfers and waiting for two pink lines was enough for me. Once a couple really tugged at my heart strings and I did tell them I would carry for them if i couldn't find them the right match. However I did but it was just a reminder that at any moment God could place another couple in my path to help. We have had such an eventful and crazy last year that the time never really seemed right anyways and I was looking into getting a tummy tuck as a gift to myself. :P

Then in early August that moment came and with out even looking or seeking for them there they were my next couple. Their story really touched me as it was almost identical to J & J my last couple I carried for. I thought to myself maybe I won't like them and it will be easy to walk away from as I just wasn't sure I wanted to do another journey. I constantly went back and fourth through this past year yes I will no I won't and than in the summer I had decided to just leave it up to God and went about my life.

We met for lunch on August 31st at one of my favorite places Gruene, Tx and even though Steve was working about 15mins into our meet up Steve had a break in his schedule and comes walking up. One I love when he surprises me like that and two I was so glad he was able to meet them to. His opinion is very important to me and since I didn't know what direction I wanted to go I needed his input even more. After a wonderful lunch I realized how much I liked them and how much they needed me. We were a prefect fit and Steve thought so to. :)

In September we quickly breezed through contracts and evaluations however came to a huge hurdle during my routine screening appt. on September 14th. Just like with J & J everything was going smoothly until the antibody issue came up and I was for sure my journey was over but they stuck by me and now have perfectly healthy 1yo twins. But this time it was a little more serious than running some test and understanding the risk, I had polyps on my uterus and I had to have surgery to remove. Not only is it very costly but if they got in there and it was more sever or they damaged my uterus I would never be able to carry again. I was so upset, I cried, felt guilty that something was wrong with me when I was suppose to be the one making everything better for them and most of all I was very nervous about the procedure.

It was scheduled for October 16th and thankfully everything went smoothly (although I got sick the entire way home and we had to stop like 10 times) and on October 30th I was cleared to move forward. During this time of the unknown is when it really hit me that I wanted to carry again. I understood that while its a blessing to me and my family its a gift the Lord has called upon me and at any moment he could take it away. I thought about never having life grow in my womb again, never giving birth and watching a family grow through the miracle of surrogacy. That moment of having the choice taken from me was heart breaking. Once I recovered and was cleared my heart was in it and with my IP's by my side we moved forward with the plan to transfer 1 embryo in November. We had five 3 day frozen embryos which I was happy about but a little discouraged that they didn't make it to 5 days but I was thankful we had 5. :)

I started medication, first birth control than estrace on November 9th and than added progesterone on the 27th. We found out that because the embryos are only 3 dayers the clinic did not recommend only transferring one that it greatly lessened our chances of pregnancy. :( They said we could thaw the embryos out and push them to 5 days and than do a single embryo transfer however the last five they tried to push to 5 days didn't make it so now we are looking at transferring two 3 dayers and looking at a chance of carrying twins again. I know the % is a lot less than my last journey with prefect fresh 5 day embryos but it still make me nervous. I want to bless them with a baby just not two. lol

J & E live in Austin and we are using a clinic in Austin to its the first time I've used a local clinic. They have a son and I can not wait to give him a brother or sister. So here we are the night before with my heart 100% in this journey at 12:00 tomorrow I will be making a baby for J & E. We can use all the prayers we can get, let God's will be upon us!

Maddie & Josh * First 6 months

Maddie & Josh's first 6 months! 

(Josh going home August 8th @ 8 days old)

(Maddie going home August 29th @ 29 days old)

All settled in at home!

I just adore these babies!

SNUGGLES!!!!!!

Time has gone by so fast! They are happy, healthy babies and I feel so blessed to be able to watch them grow. 

Surrogate Solutions

I swear I have a dream job, working at Surrogate Solutions is everything I thought it would be its the best job. I LOVE sharing in the couples journey and being a support for surrogates. I have done a lot of work since starting in August but I am at the point where my first couple is off and running, I have a few more matches and more getting processed and its just great. Surrogate Solutions has such a great reputation and I love working with Gayle.

San Antonio has gotten so busy so while I am moving to Houston I know I will be here a lot because I have so much work and the clinics are great. :)

Its been stressful and super busy between work, moving and my family but I hope to be settled in and getting a balance restored back to my life come March.

No more contact * Alex & Aiden

The boys birthday came and went on January 1st (born 1/1/05) and as always I try to touch base and see how they are doing. Sadly I think the relationship has ended, I tried to contact several different ways but got no responce. I was rather shocked as there has always been some contact even if just a simple picture and mini update. I have always said I respect the parents choice to have me in their lives or not but I can say it hurts to be shut out. This journey was my second surrogacy and first set of twins I carried, they were special to me and I wish them all the best and pray they have amazing lives.